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A PROPOSAL 
UNDER DIFFICULTIES 



BY 



JOHN KENDRICK BANGS 




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THE BICYCLERS 
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HARPER 8b BROTHERS, NEW YORK 



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A Proposal 
Under Difficulties 



A Farce 



By 



John Kendrick Bangs 



I llustrated 




Harper & Brothers Publishers 
New York and London 



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IN PAPER 
A Proposal Under Difficulties. i6mo. . .25 

The Bicyclers. i6mo 25 

A Dramatic Evening. i6mo 25 

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HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS, N. Y. 
Copyright, 1896, by Harper & Brothers. 



Published September, 1905. 



PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 

G-N 



CAST OF CHARACTERS 



Robert Yardsley, ) suitors for the hand of 
Jack Barlow, ) Miss Andrews. 

Dorothy Andrews, a much-loved young 

woman. 
Jennie, a housemaid. 
Hicks, a coachman, who does not appear. 



A PROPOSAL UNDER DIFFICULTIES 



The scene is laid in a fashionable New 
York drawing-room. The time is late 
in October, and Wednesday afternoon. 
The curtain rising shows an empty 
room. A bell rings. After a pause 
the front -door is heard opening and 
closing. Enter Yardsley through por- 
tiere at rear of room. 

Yardsley. Ah! So far so good; but 
I wish it were over. I've had the nerve 
to get as far as the house and into it, but 
how much further my courage will carry 
me I can't say. Confound it! Why is 
it, I wonder, that men get so rattled 
when they're head over heels in love, and 
want to ask the fair object of their af- 

3 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

fections to wed? I can't see. Now I'm 
brave enough among men. I'm not 
afraid of anything that walks, except 
Dorothy Andrews, and generally I'm 
not afraid of her. Stopping runaway 
teams and talking back to impudent 
policemen have been my delight. I've 
even been courageous enough to submit 
a poem in person to the editor of a comic 
weekly, and yet here this afternoon I'm 
all of a tremble. And for what reason ? 
Just because I've co-come to ask Doro- 
thy Andrews to change her name to Mrs. 
Bob Yardsley , as if that were such an 
unlikely thing for her to do. Gad! 
I'm almost inclined to despise myself. 
(Surveys himself in the mirror at one 
end of the room. Then walking up to it 
and peering intently at his reflection, he 
continues.) Bah! you coward! Afraid 
of a woman — a sweet little woman like 

4 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Dorothy. You ought to be ashamed 
of yourself, Bob Yardsley. She won't 
hurt you. Brace up and propose like a 
man — like a real lover who'd go through 
fire for her sake, and all that. Ha! 
That's easy enough to talk about, but 
how shall I put it? That's the ques- 
tion. Let me see. How do men do it ? 
I ought to buy a few good novels and 
select the sort of proposal I like ; but not 
having a novel at hand, I must invent 
my own. How will it be? Something 
like this, I fancy. (The portieres are 
parted, and Jennie, the maid, enters. 
Yardsley does not observe her entrance.) 
I'll get down on my knees. A man on 
his knees is a pitiable object, and pity, 
they say, is akin to love. Maybe she'll 
pity me, and after that — well, perhaps 
pity's cousin will arrive. (The maid 
advances, but Yardsley is so intent upon 

5 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

his proposal that he still fails to observe 
her. She stands back of the sofa, while 
he, gazing downward, kneels before it.) 
I'll say: " Divine creature! At last we 
are alone, and I — ah — I can speak 




DIVINE CREATURE 



freely the words that have been in my 
heart to say to you for so long— oh, so 
long a time." (Jennie appears sur~ 

6 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

prised.) "I have never even hinted 
at how I feel towards you. I have 
concealed my love, fearing lest by too 
sudden a betrayal of my feelings I 
should lose all." {Aside.) Now for 
a little allusion to the poets. Poetry, 
they say, is a great thing for proposals. 
"You know, dearest, you must know, 
how the poet has phrased it — 'Fain 
would I fall but that I fear to climb/ 
But now — now I must speak. An op- 
portunity like this may not occur 
again. Will you — will you be my 
wife?" 

[Jennie gives a little scream of de- 
light. 
Jennie. Oh, Mr. Yardsley, this is so 
suddent like and unexpected, and me 
so far beneath you! 

[Yardsley looks up and is covered 
with confusion. 
7 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Yardsley. Great Scott! What have 
I done? 

Jennie. But of course it ain't for the 
likes of me to say no to — 

Yardsley (rising). For Heaven's sake, 
Jennie — do be sensi — Don't — say — 
Jennie, why — ah — (Aside.) Oh, con- 
found it! What the deuce shall I say? 
What's the matter with my tongue? 
Where's my vocabulary? A word! a 
word ! my kingdom for a word ! (Aloud.) 
Now, Jen — 

Jennie (coyly). I has been engaged to 
Mr. Hicks, the coach gentleman, sir, but — 

Yardsley. Good! good! I congratu- 
late you, Jennie. Hicks is a very fine 
fellow. Drives like a — like a driver, 
Jennie, a born driver. I've seen him 
many a time sitting like a king on his 
box — yes, indeed. Noticed him often. 
Admired him. Gad, Jennie, I'll see 

8 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

him myself and tell him ; and what is 
more, Jennie, I'll — I'll give Hicks a fine 
present. 

Jennie. Yes, sir; I has no doubt as 
how you'll be doin' the square thing by 
Hicks, for, as I was a-sayin', I has been 
engaged like to him, an' he has some 
rights; but I think as how, if I puts it 
to him right like, and tells him what a 
nice gentleman you are (a ring is heard 
at the front-door), it '11 be all right, sir. 
But there goes the bell and I must run, 
Mr. Yardsley. (Ecstatically kissing her 
hand.) Bob! 

Yardsley (with a convulsive gasp). 
Bob? Jennie! You — er — you misun — 
(Jennie, with a smile of joy and an ec- 
static glance at Yardsley, dances from 
the room to attend the door. Yardsley 
throws himself into a chair.) Well, I'll 
be teetotally — Awh! It's too dead 

9 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

easy proposing to somebody you don't 
know you are proposing to. What a 
kettle of fish this is, to be sure! Oh, 
pshaw! that woman can't be serious. 
She must know I didn't mean it for her. 
But if she doesn't, good Lord! what 
becomes of me? (Rises, and paces up 
and down the room nervously. After a 
moment he pauses before the glass.) I 
ought to be considerably dishevelled 
by this. I feel as if I'd been drawn 
through a knot-hole — or — or dropped 
into a stone-crusher — that's it, a stone- 
crusher — a ten - million horse - power 
stone-crusher. Let's see how you look, 
you poor idiot. 

[As he is stroking his hair and re- 
arranging his tie he talks in pan- 
tomime at himself in the glass. 
In a moment Jennie ushers Mr. 
Jack Barlow into the room. 
10 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Jennie. Miss Andrews will be down 
in a minute, sir. 

[Barlow takes arm-chair and sits 

gazing ahead of him. Neither 

he nor Yardsley perceives the 

other. Jennie tiptoes to one side, 

and, tossing a kiss at Yardsley, 

retires. 

Barlow. Now for it. I shall leave 

this house to-day the happiest or the 

most miserable man in creation, and I 

rather think the odds are in my favor. 

Why shouldn't they be? Egad! I can 

very well understand how a woman 

could admire me. I admire myself, 

rather. I confess candidly that I do 

not consider myself half bad, and 

Dorothy has always seemed to feel that 

way herself. In fact, the other night in 

the Perkinses' conservatory she seemed 

to be quite ready for a proposal. I'd 

2 II 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

have done it then and there if it hadn't 
been for that confounded Bob Yards- 
ley — 

Yardsley {turning sharply about) . Eh ? 
Somebody spoke my name. A man, 
too. Great Heavens! I hope Jennie's 
friend Hicks isn't here. I don't want 
to have a scene with Hicks. (Dis- 
covering Barlow.) Oh — ah — why — 
hullo, Barlow! You here? 

Barlow (impatiently, aside). Hang it! 
Yardsley's here too! The man's always 
turning up when he's not wanted. 
(Aloud.) Ah! why, Bob, how are you? 
What 're you doing here ? 

Yardsley. What do you suppose — 
tuning the piano? I'm here because I 
want to b£. And you? 

Barlow. For the same reason that 
you are. 

Yardsley (aside). Gad! I hope not. 

12 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

(Aloud.) Indeed? The great mind act 
again? Run in the same channel, and 
all that? Glad to see you. (Aside.) 
May the saints forgive me that fib! 
But this fellow must be got rid of. 

Barlow (embarrassed). So'm I. Al- 
ways glad to see myself — I mean you — 
anywhere. Won't you sit down? 

Yardsley. Thanks. Very kind of 
you, I'm sure. (Aside.) He seems 
very much at home. Won't I sit 
down? — as if he'd inherited the chairs! 
Humph! I'll show him. 

Barlow. What say? 

Yardsley. I — ah — oh, I was merely 
remarking that I thought it was rather 
pleasant out to-day. 

Barlow. Yes, almost too fine to be 
shut up in-doors. Why aren't you driv- 
ing, or — or playing golf, or — ah — or 
being out-doors somewhere ? You need 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

exercise, old man , you look a little pale. 
(Aside.) I must get him away from 
here somehow. Deuced awkward hav- 
ing another fellow about when you 
mean to propose to a woman. 

Yardsley. Oh, I'm well enough! 

Barlow (solicitously). You don't look 
it — by Jove, you don't. (Suddenly in- 
spired.) No, you don't, Bob. You over- 
estimate your strength. It's very wrong 
to overestimate one's strength. People 
— ah — people have died of it. Why, I'll 
bet you a hat you can't start now and 
walk up to Central Park and back in an 
hour. Come. I'll time you. (Rises and 
takes out watch.) It is now four -ten. 
I'll wager you can't get back here before 
five - thirty. Eh ? Let me get your 
hat. 

[Starts for door. 

Yardsley (with a laugh). Oh no; I 
14 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 



don't bet — after four. But I say, did 
you see Billie Wilkins? 

Barlow (returning in despair). Nope. 

Yardsley (aside) . Now for a bit of strat- 
egy, (Aloud.) 
He was look- 
ing for you 
at the club. 
(Aside.) Splen- 
did lie! (Aloud.) 
Had seats for 
the — ah — the 
Metropolitan 
to-night. Said 
he was look- 
ing for you, 
Wants you to 

go with him. {Aside.) That ought to 
start him along. 

Barlow. I'll go with him. 

Yardsley (eagerly). Well, you'd bet- 

*5 




i'll time you" 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

ter let him know at once, then. Better 
run around there and catch him while 
there's time. He said if he didn't see 
you before half-past four he'd get Tom 
Parker to go. Fine show to - night. 
Wouldn't lose the opportunity if I were 
you. (Looking at his watch.) You'll just 
about have time to do it now if you start 
at once. 

[Grasps Barlow by arm, and tries 

to force him out. Barlow holds 

back, and is about to remonstrate, 

when Dorothy enters. Both men 

rush to greet her; Yardsley catches 

her left hand, Barlow her right. 

Dorothy (slightly embarrassed). Why, 

how do you do — this is an unexpected 

pleasure — both of you ? Excuse my 

left hand, Mr. Yardsley; I should have 

given you the other if — if you'd given 

me time. 

16 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Yardsley. Don't mention it, I pray. 
The unexpectedness is wholly mine, 
Miss Andrews — I 
mean — ah — the 
pleasure is— L 

Barlow. Whol- 
ly mine. 

Dorothy ( with- 
drawing her hands 
from both and sit- 
ting down ) . I 
haven't seen either 
of you since the u^ An ^ A ^ „ XT ™» 

J START AT ONCE 

Perkinses 1 dance. 

Wasn't it a charming affair? 

Yardsley. Delightful I — ah — I 
didn't know that the Perkinses — 

Barlow {interrupting). It was a good 
deal of a crush, though. As Mrs. Van 
Darling said to me, "You always 
meet — " 

i7 




A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Yardsley. It's a pity Perkins isn't 
more of a society man, though, don't 
you think? 

Dorothy. Oh, I don't know. I've 
always found him very pleasant. He 
is so sincere. 

Barlow. Isn't he, though ? He looked 
bored to death all through the dance. 

Yardsley. I thought so too. I was 
watching him while you were talking 
to him, Barlow, and such a look of 
ennui I never saw on a man's face. 

Barlow. Humph ! 

Dorothy. Are you going to Mrs. Van 
Darling's dinner ? 

Barlow. Yes; I received my bid last 
night. You ? 

Dorothy. Oh yes! 

Yardsley {gloomily). I can't go very 
well. I'm — ah — engaged for Tuesday. 

Barlow. Well, I hope you've let Mrs. 
18 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Van Darling know. She's a stickler for 
promptness in accepting or declining her 
invitations. If you haven't, I'll tell her 
for you. I'm to see her to-night. 

Yardsley. Oh no! Nevermind. I'll 
— I'll attend to it. 

Barlow. Oh, of course. But it's just 
as well she should know in advance. 
You might forget it, you know, I'll 
tell her; it's no trouble to me. 

Dorothy. Of course not, and she 
can get some one to take your place. 

Yardsley {desperately). Oh, don't say 
anything about it. Fact is, she — ah — 
she hasn't invited me. 

Barlow. Ah! (Aside.) I knew that 
all along. Oh, but I'm clever! 

Dorothy (hastily, to relieve Yardsley 's 
embarrassment) . Have you seen Irving, 
Mr. Yardsley? 

Yardsley. Yes. 

*9 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Barlow {suspiciously). What in? I 
haven't seen you at any of the first nights. 

Yardsley {with a grin). In the grill- 
room at the Players'. 

Barlow {aside). Bah! 

Dorothy {laughing). You are so bright, 
Mr. Yardsley. 

Barlow {forcing a laugh). Ha, ha, ha! 
Why, yes — very clever that. It ought 
to have a Gibson picture over it, that 
joke. It would help it. Those Gibson 
pictures are fine, I think. Carry any 
kind of joke, eh ? 

Yardsley. Yes, they frequently do. 

Dorothy. I'm so glad you both like 
Gibson, for I just dote on him. I have 
one of his originals in my portfolio. 
I'll get it if you'd like to see it. 

[She rises and goes to the corner of 
the room, where there stands a 
portfolio-case. 
20 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Yardsley (aside). What a bore Bar- 
low is! Hang him! I must get rid of 
him somehow. 

[Barlow meanwhile is assisting Doro- 
thy. 

Yardsley (looking around at the others) . 
Jove! he's off in the corner with her. 
Can't allow that, for the fact is Barlow's 
just a bit dangerous — to me. 

Dorothy (rummaging through portfolio) . 
Why, it was here— - 

Barlow. Maybe it's in this other 
portfolio. 

Yardsley (joining them). Yes, maybe 
it is. That's a good idea. If it isn't 
in one portfolio maybe it's in another. 
Clever thought! I may be bright, Miss 
Andrews, but you must have observed 
that Barlow is thoughtful. 

Dorothy (with a glance at Barlow) . Yes, 
Mr. Yardsley, I have noticed the latter. 

21 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Barlow. Tee-hee! that's one on you, 
Bob. 

Yardsley (obtuse). Ha, ha! Yes. 
Why, of course! Ha, ha, ha! For 
repartee I have always said — polite 
repartee, of course — Miss Andrews is — 
(Aside.) Now what the dickens did 
she mean by that? 

Dorothy. I can't find it here. Let — 
me think. Where — can — it — be? 

Barlow (striking thoughtful attitude). 
Yes, where can it be ? Let me do your 
thinking for you, Miss Dorothy. (Then 
softly to her.) Always! 

Yardsley (mocking Barlow). Yes! Let 
me think! (Points his finger at his fore- 
head and assumes tragic attitude. Then 
stalks to the front of stage in manner of 
burlesque Hamlet.) Come, thought, 
come. Shed the glory of thy greatness 
full on me, and thus confound mine 

22 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

enemies. Where the deuce is that Gib- 
son ? 

Dorothy. Oh, I remember. It's up- 
stairs. I took it up with me last night. 
I'll ring for Jennie, and have her get it. 

Yardsley {aside, and in consternation). 
Jennie! Oh, thunder! I'd forgotten 
her. I do hope she remembers not to 
forget herself. 

Barlow. What say? 

Yardsley. Nothing; only — ah — only 
that I thought it was very — very pleas- 
ant out. 

Barlow. That's what you said be- 
fore. 

Yardsley {indignantly). Well, what 
of it? It's the truth. If you don't be- 
lieve it, go outside and see for your- 
self. 

[Jennie appears at the door in re- 
sponse to Dorothy's ring. She 

23 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

glances demurely at Yardsley, 
who tries to ignore her presence. 
Dorothy. Jennie, go up to my room 
and look on the table in the corner, and 
bring me down the portfolio you will 
find there. The large brown one that 
belongs in the stand over there. 

Jennie {dazed). Yessum. And shall 
I be bringin' lemons with it? 
Dorothy. Lemons, Jennie? 
Jennie. You always does have lem- 
ons with your tea, mum. 

Dorothy. I didn't mention tea. I 
want you to get my portfolio from up- 
stairs. It is on the table in the corner 
of my room. 

[Looks at Jennie in surprise. 
Jennie. Oh, excuse me, mum. I 
didn't hear straight. 

[She casts a languishing glance at 
Yardsley and disappears. 
24 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Yardsley {noting the glance, presum- 
ably aside). Confound that Jennie! 

Barlow {overhearing Yardsley). 
What's that? Confound that Jennie? 
Why say confound that Jennie? Why 
do you wish Jennie to be confounded ? 

Yardsley -{nervously). I didn't say 
that. I — ah — I merely said that — that 
Jennie appeared to be — ah — confound- 
ed. 

Dorothy. She certainly is confused. 
I cannot understand it at all. Ordina- 
rily I have rather envied Jennie her 
composure. 

Yardsley. Oh, I suppose — it's — it's 
— it's natural for a young girl— a ser- 
vant — sometimes to lose her — equipoise, 
as it were, on occasions. If we lose ours 
at times, why not Jennie ? Eh ? Huh ? 

Barlow. Certainly. 

Yardsley. Of course — ha — trained 

25 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

servants are hard to get these days, 
anyhow. Educated people — ah — go 
into other professions, such as law, and 
— ah — the ministry— and — 

Dorothy. Well, never mind. Let's 
talk of something more interesting than 
Jennie. Going to the Chrysanthemum 
Show, Mr. Barlow? 

Barlow. I am; wouldn't miss it for 
the world. Do you know, really now, 
the chrysanthemum, in my opinion, is 
the most human-looking flower we have. 
The rose is too beautiful, too perfect, 
for me. The chrysanthemum, on the 
other hand — 

Yardsley {interrupting). Looks so 
like a football-player's head it appeals 
to your sympathies? Well, perhaps 
you are right. I never thought of it in 
that light before, but — 

Dorothy {smiling) . Nor I ; but now 
26 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

that you mention it, it does look that 
way, doesn't it? 

Barlow {not wishing to disagree with 
Dorothy). Very much. Droll idea, 
though. Just like Bob, eh? Very, 
very droll. Bob's always dro — 

Yardsley {interrupting). When I see 
a man walking down the avenue 
with a chrysanthemum in his button- 
hole, I always think of a wild Indian 
wearing a scalp for decorative pur- 
poses. 

[Barlow and Dorothy laugh at this y 
and during their mirth Jennie 
enters with the portfolio. She 
hands it to Dorothy. Dorothy 
rests it on the arm of her chair, 
and, Barlow looking over one 
shoulder, she goes through it. 
Jennie in passing out throws 
another kiss to Yardsley. 

3 2 7 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Yards ley (under his breath, stamping 
his foot). Awgh! 

Barlow. What say? 

[Dorothy looks up y surprised. 

Yardsley. I — I didn't say anything. 
My — ah — my shoe had a piece of — ah — 

Barlow. Oh, say lint, and be done 
with it. 

Yardsley {relieved, and thankful for 
the suggestion). Why, how did you 
know ? It did, you know. Had a piece 
of lint on it, and I tried to get it off by 
stamping, that's all. 

Dorothy. Ah, here it is. 

Yardsley. What? The lint? 

Barlow. Ho! Is the world nothing 
but lint to you? Of course not — the 
Gibson. Charming, isn't it, Miss Doro- 
thy? 

Dorothy folding the picture up). Fine. 
Just look at that girl. Isn't she pretty ? 
28 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Barlow. Very. 

Dorothy. And such style, too. 

Yardsley {looking over Dorothy's other 




CHARMING, ISN'T IT?" 



shoulder). Yes, very pretty, and lots 
of style. (Softly.) Very — like £ome one 
— some one I know. 

Barlow (overhearing). I think so my- 
29 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

self, Yardsley. It's exactly like Josie 
Wilkins. By-the-way — ah — how is 
that little affair coming along, Bob? 

Dorothy (interested). What! You don't 
mean to say — Why, Mister Yardsley! 

Yardsley (with a venomous glance at 
Barlow). Nonsense. Nothing in it. 
Mere invention of Barlow's. He's a 
regular Edison in his own way. 

[Dorothy looks inquiringly at Bar- 
low. 

Barlow (to Yardsley). Oh, don't be 
so sly about it, old fellow! Everybody 
knows. 

Yardsley. But I tell you there's 
nothing in it. I — I have different ideas 
entirely, and you — you know it — or, if 
you don't, you will shortly. 

Dorothy. Oh! Then it's some one 
else, Mr. Yardsley? Well, now I am 
interested. Let's have a little con- 

30 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

fidential talk together. Tell us, Mr. 
Yardsley, tell Mr. Barlow and me, and 
maybe — I can't say for certain, of course 
— but maybe we can help you. 

Barlow (gleefully rubbing his hands). 
Yes, old man; certainly. Maybe we 
— we can help you. 

Yardsley (desperately). You can help 
me, both of you — but — but I can't very 
well tell you how. 

Barlow. I'm willing to do all I can 
for you, my dear Bob. If you will only 
tell us her name I'll even go so far as to 
call, in your behalf, and propose for 
you. 

Yardsley. Oh, thanks. You are very 
kind. 

Dorothy. I think so too, Mr. Barlow. 
You are almost too kind, it seems to 
me. 

Yardsley. Oh no; not too kind, Miss 
3i 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Andrews. Barlow simply realizes that 
one who has proposed marriage to young 
girls as frequently as he has knows how 
the thing is done, and he wishes to give 
me the benefit of his experience. (Aside.) 
That's a facer for Barlow. 

Barlow. Ha, ha, ha! iVnother joke, 
I suppose. You see, my dear Bob, that 
I am duly appreciative. I laugh. Ha, 
ha, ha! But I must say I laugh with 
some uncertainty. I don't know whether 
you intended that for a joke or for a 
staggerer. You should provide your 
conversation with a series of printed 
instructions for the listener. Get a lot 
of cards, and have printed on one, 
"Please laugh"; on another, "Please 
stagger"; on another, "Kindly appear 
confused." Then when you mean to 
be jocose hand over the laughter card, 
and so on. Shall I stagger? 

32 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Dorothy. I think that Mr. Yardsley 
meant that for a joke. Didn't you, 
Mr. Yardsley? 

Yardsley. Why, certainly. Of course. 
I don't really believe Barlow ever had 
sand enough to propose to any one. 
Did you, Jack? 

Barlow {indignant). Well, I rather 
think I have. 

Dorothy. Ho, ho! Then you are an 
experienced proposer, Mr. Barlow? > 

Barlow (confused). Why — er — 
well — urn — I didn't exactly mean 
that, you know. I meant that— ah — 
if it ever came to the — er — the test, I 
think I could — I'd have sand enough, 
as Yardsley puts it, to do the thing 
properly, and without making a — ah— a 
Yardsley of myself. 

Yardsley (bristling up). Now what 
do you mean by that? 

33 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Dorothy. I think you are both of 
you horrid this afternoon. You are so 
quarrelsome. Do you two always quar- 
rel, or is this merely a little afternoon's 
diversion got up for my especial benefit ? 

Barlow (with dignity). I never quar- 
rel. 

Yardsley. Nor I. I simply differ 
sometimes, that's all. I never had an 
unpleasant word with Jack in my life. 
Did I, Jack? 

Barlow. Never. I always avoid a 
fracas, however great the provocation. 

Dorothy (desperately). Then let us 
have a cup of tea together and be more 
sociable. I have always noticed that 
tea promotes sociability — haven't you, 
Mr. Yardsley? 

Yardsley. Always. (Aside.) Among 
women. 

Barlow. What say? 
34 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

[Dorothy rises and rings the bell for 
Jennie. 
Yardsley. I say that I am very fond 
of tea. 

Barlow. So am I — here. 

[Rises and looks at pictures. Yards- 
ley meanwhile sits in moody silence. 
Dorothy (returning). You seem to 
have something on your mind, Mr. 
Yardsley. I never knew you to be so 
solemn before. 

Yardsley. I have something on my 
mind, Miss Dorothy. It's — 

Barlow {coming forward). Wise man, 
cold weather like this. It would be 
terrible if you let your mind go out in 
cold weather without anything on it. 
Might catch cold in your idea. 

Dorothy. I wonder why Jennie doesn 't 
come? I shallhave to ring again. 

[Pushes electric button again. 

35 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Yardsley {with an effort at brilliance). 
The kitchen belle doesn't seem to 
work. 

Dorothy. Ordinarily she does, but 
she seems to be upset by something this 
afternoon. I'm afraid she's in love. 
If you will excuse me a moment I will 
go and prepare the tea myself. 

Barlow. Do; good! Then we shall 
not need the sugar. 

Yardsley. You might omit the spoons 
too, after a remark like that, Miss 
Dorothy. 

Dorothy. We'll omit Mr. Barlow's 
spoon. I'll bring some for you and me. 

[She goes out. 

Yardsley (with a laugh). That's one 
on you, Barlow. But I say, old man 
(taking out his watch and snapping the 
cover to three or jour times), it's getting 
very late — after five now. If you want 

36 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

to go with Billie Wilkins you'd better 
take up your hat and walk. I'll say 
good-bye to Miss Andrews for you. 

Barlow. Thanks. Too late now. 
You said Billie wouldn't wait after four- 
thirty. 

Yardsley. Did I say four-thirty? I 
meant five-thirty. Anyhow, Billie isn't 
over-prompt. Better go. 

Barlow. You seem mighty anxious 
to get rid of me. 

Yardsley. I? Not at all, my dear 
boy — not at all. I'm very, very fond 
of you, but I thought you'd prefer 
opera to me. Don't you see? That's 
where my modesty comes- in. You're 
so fond of a good chat I thought you'd 
want to go to-night. Wilkins has a box. 

Barlow. You said seats a little while 
ago. 

Yardsley. Of course I did. And why 
37 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

not? There are seats in boxes. Didn't 
you know that? 

Barlow. Look here, Yardsley, what's 
up, anyhow? You've been deuced 
queer to-day. What are you after ? 





"what's up, anyhow?' 



Yardsley (tragically). Shall I confide 
in you? Can I, with a sense of confi- 
dence that you will not betray me ? 

38 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Barlow {eagerly). Yes, Bob. Go on. 
What is it? I'll never give you away, 
and I may be able to give you some 
good advice. 

Yardsley. I am here to — to — to rob 
the house! Business has been bad, and 
one must live. 

[Barlow looks at him in disgust. 

Yardsley (mockingly). You have my 
secret, John Barlow. Remember that 
it was wrung from me in confidence. 
You must not betray me. Turn your 
back while I surreptitiously remove 
the piano and the gas-fixtures, won't 
you? 

Barlow (looking at him thoughtfully). 
Yardsley, I have done you an injustice. 

Yardsley. Indeed ? 

Barlow. Yes. Some one claimed, at 
the club, the other day, that you were 
the biggest donkey in existence, and I 

39 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

denied it. I was wrong, old man, I was 
wrong, and I apologize. You are. 

Yardsley. You are too modest, Jack. 
You forget — yourself. 

Barlow. Well, perhaps I do; but I've 
nothing to conceal, and you have. 
You've been behaving in a most incom- 
prehensible fashion this afternoon, as 
if you owned the house. 

Yardsley. Well, what of it? Do you 
own it? 

Barlow. No, I don't, but — 

Yardsley. But you hope to. Well, I 
have no such mercenary motive. I'm 
not after the house. 

Barlow {bristling up). After the 
house ? Mercenary motive ? I demand 
an explanation of those words. What 
do you mean ? 

Yardsley. I mean this, Jack Barlow: 
I mean that I am here for — for my own 

40 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

reasons; but you — you have come here 
for the purpose of — 

[Dorothy enters with a tray, upon 
which are the tea things. 

Barlow {about to retort to Yardsley, 
perceiving Dorothy). Ah! Let me as- 
sist you. 

Dorothy. Thank you so much. I 
really believe I never needed help more. 
{She delivers the tray to Barlow, who sets 
it on the table. Dorothy, exhausted, 
drops into a chair.) Fan me — quick — 
or I shall faint. I've — I've had an 
awful time, and I really don't know 
what to do! • 

Barlow and Yardsley {together). Why, 
what's the matter? 

Yardsley. I hope the house isn't 
on fire? 

Barlow. Or that you haven't been 
robbed ? 

4i 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Dorothy. No, no; nothing like that. 
It's — it's about Jennie. 

Yardsley {nervously). Jennie? Wha 
— wha — what's the matter with Jennie ? 

Dorothy. I only wish I knew. I — 

Yardsley {aside). I'm glad you don't. 

Barlow. What say? 

Yardsley. I didn't say anything. 
Why should I say anything? I haven't 
anything to say. If people who had 
nothing to say would not insist upon 
talking, you'd be — 

Dorothy. I heard the poor girl weep- 
ing down -stairs, and when I went to 
the dumb-waiter to ask her what was 
the matter, I heard — I heard a man's 
voice. 

Yardsley. Man's voice? 

Barlow. Man's voice is what Miss 
Andrews said. 

Dorothy. Yes; it was Hicks, our 
42 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

coachman, and he was dreadfully angry 
about something. 

Yardsley {sinking into chair). Good 
Lord! Hicks! Angry! At — some- 
thing! 

Dorothy. He was threatening to kill 
somebody. 

Yardsley. This grows worse and 
worse! Threatening to kill somebody! 
D-did-did you o-over-overhear huh-huh- 
whom he was going to kuk-kill ? 

Barlow. What's the matter with 
you, Yardsley? Are you going to die 
of fright, or have you suddenly caught 
a chill ? 

Dorothy. Oh, I hope not! Don't die 
here, anyhow, Mr. Yardsley. If you 
must die, please go home and die. I 
couldn't stand another shock to-day. 
Why, really, I was nearly frightened to 
death. I don't know now but what 

4 43 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

I ought to send for the police, Hicks 
was so violent. 

Barlow. Perhaps she and Hicks have 
had a lovers' quarrel. 

Yardsley. Very likely; very likely, 
indeed. I think that is no doubt the 
explanation of the whole trouble. Lov- 
ers will quarrel. They were engaged, 
you know. 

Dorothy {surprised). No, I didn't 
know it. Were they ? Who told you ? 

Yardsley {discovering his mistake) . 
Why — er — wasn't it you said so, 
Miss Dorothy? Or you, Barlow? 

Barlow. I have not the honor of the 
young woman's confidence, and so 
could not have given you the informa- 
tion. 

Dorothy. I didn't know it, so how 
could I have told you? 

Yardsley {desperately). Then I must 

44 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

have dreamed it. I do have the queer- 
est dreams sometimes, but there's noth- 
ing strange about this one, anyhow. 
Parlor-maids frequently do — er — be- 
come engaged to coachmen and butlers 
and that sort of thing. It isn't a rare 
occurrence at all. If I'd said she was 
engaged to Billie Wilkins, or to — to Bar- 
low here — 

Barlow. Or to yourself. 

Yardsley. Sir? What do you mean 
to insinuate? That I am engaged to 
Jennie ? 

Barlow. I never said so. 

Dorothy. Oh, dear, let us have the 
tea. You quarrelsome men are just 
wearing me out. Mr. Barlow, do you 
want cream in yours? 

Barlow. If you please ; and one 
lump of sugar. (Dorothy pours it out.) 
Thanks. 

45 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Dorothy. Mr. Yardsley? 
Yardsley. Just a little, Miss An- 
drews. No cream, and no sugar. 

[Dorothy prepares a cup for Yards- 
ley. He is - about to take it 
when — 
Dorothy. Well, I declare! Ifs nothing 
but hot water ! I forgot the tea entirely ! 

Barlow {with a laugh). Oh, never 
mind. Hot water is good for dys- 
pepsia. 

[With a significant look at Yardsley. 

Yardsley. It depends on how you 

get it, Mr. Barlow. I've known men 

who've got dyspepsia from living in hot 

water too much. 

[As Yardsley speaks the portiere is 

violently clutched from without, 

and Jennie's head is thrust into 

the room. No one observes her. 

Barlow. Well, my cup is very satis- 

46 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

factory to me, Miss Dorothy. Fact is, 
I've always been fond of cambric tea, 
and this is just right, 

Yardsley (patronizingly). It is good 
for children. 

Jennie (trying to attract Yardsley's 
attention), Pst! 

Yardsley, My mamma lets me have 
it Sunday nights. 

Dorothy. Ha, ha, ha! 

Barlow. Another joke? Good. Let 
me enjoy it, too. Hee, hee! 

Jennie. Pst! 

[Barlow looks around; Jennie 
hastily withdraws her head. 

Barlow. I didn't know you had steam 
heat in this house. 

Dorothy. We haven't. What put 
such an idea as that into your head ? 

Barlow. Why, I thought I heard the 
hissing of steam, the click of a radiator, 

47 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

or something of that sort back by the 
door. 

Yardsley. Maybe the house is haunt- 
ed. 

Dorothy. I fancy it was your imagi- 
nation; or perhaps it was the wind 
blowing through the hall. The pantry 
window i* open. 

Barlow. I guess maybe that's it. 
How fine it must be in the country 
now! 

[Jennie pokes her head in through 

the portieres again, and follows 

it with her arm and hand, in 

which is a feather-duster, which 

she waves wildly in an endeavor 

to attract Yardsley's attention. 

Dorothy. Divine. I should so love 

to be out of town still. It seems to me 

people always make a great mistake 

returning to the city so early in the fall. 

48 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

The country is really at its best at this 
time of year. 

[Yardsley turns half around, and 

is about to speak, when he catches 

sight of the now almost hysterical 

Jennie and her feather-duster. 

Barlow. Yes; I think so too. I was 

at Lenox last week, and the foliage was 

gorgeous. 

Yardsley (feeling that he must say 
something). Yes. I suppose all the 
feathers on the maple - trees are turning 
red by this time. 

Dorothy. Feathers, Mr. Yardsley? 
Barlow. Feathers ? 
Yardsley (with a furtive glance at 
Jennie). Ha, ha! What an absurd 
slip! Did I say feathers? I meant — I 
meant leaves, of course. All the leaves 
on the dusters are turning. 

Barlow. I don't believe you know 
49 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

what you do mean. Who ever heard 
of leaves on dusters ? What are dusters ? 
Do you know, Miss Dorothy? 

[As he turns to Miss Andrews, 
Yardsley tries to wave Jennie 
away. She beckons with her arms 
more wildly than ever, and Yards- 
ley silently speaks the words, "Go 
away." 
Dorothy. I'm sure I don't know of 
any tree by that name, but then I'm 
not a — not a what? 

Yardsley {with a forced laugh). Tree- 
ologist. 

Dorothy. What are dusters, Mr. 
Yardsley ? 

Barlow. Yes, old man, tell us. I'm 
anxious to find out myself. 

Yardsley {aside). So am I. What the 
deuce are dusters, for this occasion only? 
{Aloud.) What? Never heard of dust- 

5° 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

ers? Ho! Why, dear me, where have 
you been all your lives? (Aside.) Must 
gain time to think up what dusters are. 
(Aloud.) Why, they're as old as the 
hills. 

Barlow. That may be, but I can't 
say I think your description is at all 
definite. 

Dorothy. Do they look like maples? 

Yardsley (with an angry wave of his 
arms towards Jennie). Something — in 
fact, very much. They're exactly like 
them. You can hardly tell them from 
oaks. 

Barlow. Oaks ? 

Yardsley. I said oaks. Oaks! 
O-A-K-S! 

Barlow. But oaks aren't like ma- 
ples. 

Yardsley. Well, who said they were? 
We were talking about oaks — and — er — 

5i 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

and dusters. We — er — we used to have 
a row of them in front of our old house 
at — (Aside.) Now where the deuce 
did we have the old house ? Never had 
one, but we must for the sake of the 
present situation. (Aloud.) Up at — 
at — Bryn-Mawr — or at — Troy, or some 
such place, and — at — they kept the — the 
dust of the highway from getting into 
the house. (With a sigh of relief.) And 
so, you see, they were called dusters. 
Thought every one knew that. 

As Yardsley finishes, Jennie loses 

her balance and falls headlong 

into the room. 
Dorothy (starting up hastily). Why, 
Jennie! 

Yardsley (staggering into chair). That 
settles it. It's all up with me. 

[Jennie sobs, and, rising, rushes to 

Yardsley's side. 

52 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Jennie. Save yourself; he's going to 
kill you! 

Dorothy. Jennie! What is the mean- 
ing of this? Mr. Yardsley — can — can 
you shed any light 
on this mystery? 

Yardsley {pulling 
himself together with 
a great effort). I? 
I assure you I can't, 
Miss Andrews. How 
could I ? All I know 
is that somebody is 
— is going to kill me, 
though for what I 
haven't the slightest "why, jennie!" 
idea. 

Jennie {indignantly). Eh? What! 
Why, Mr. Yardsley — Bob! 

Barlow. Bob ? 

Dorothy. Jennie ! Bob ? 
53 




A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Yardsley. Don't you call me Bob. 

Jennie. It's Hicks. 

[Bursts out crying. 

Barlow. Hicks ? 

Dorothy. Jennie, Hicks isn't Bob. 
His name is George. 

Yardsley {in a despairing rage) . Hicks 
be— 

Dorothy. Mr. Yardsley! 

Yardsley {pulling himself together 
again). Bobbed. Hicks be Bobbed. 
That's what I was going to say. 

Dorothy. What on earth does this all 
mean? I must have an explanation, 
Jennie. What have you to say for 
yourself ? 

Jennie. Why, I — 

Yardsley. I tell you it isn't true. 
She's made it up out of whole cloth. 

Barlow. What isn't true ? She hasn't 
said anything yet. 

54 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Yardsley {desperately). I refer to 
what she's going to say. I'm a — a — 
I'm a mind-reader, and I see it all as 
plain as day. 

Dorothy. I can best judge of the 
truth of Jennie's words when she has 
spoken them, Mr. Yardsley. Jennie, 
you may explain, if you can. What 
do you mean by Hicks killing Mr. 
Yardsley, and why do you presume 
to call Mr. Yardsley by his first 
name? 

Yardsley {aside). Heigho! My goose 
is cooked. 

Barlow. I fancy you wish you had 
taken that walk I suggested now. 

Yardsley. You always were a good 
deal of a fancier. 

Jennie. I hardly knows how to begin, 
Miss Dorothy. I — I'm so flabbergasted 
by all that's happened this afternoon, 

55 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

mum, that I can't get my thoughts 
straight, mum. 

Dorothy, Never mind getting your 
thoughts straight, Jennie. I do not 
want fiction. I want the truth. 

Jennie. Well, mum, when a fine 
gentleman like Mr. Yardsley asks— 

Yardsley. I tell you it isn't so. 

Jennie. Indeed he did, mum. 

Dorothy {impatiently). Did what? 

Jennie. Axed me to marry him, 
mum. 

Dorothy. Mr. Yardsley — asked — 
you — to — to marry him? 

[Barlow whistles. 

Jennie (bursting into tears again). 
Yes, mum, he did, mum, right here in 
this room. He got down on his knees 
to me on that Proossian rug before the 
sofa, mum. I was standin' behind the 
sofa, havin' just come in to tell him 

56 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

as how you'd be down shortly. He was 
stan din ' before the lookin '-glass lookin' 
at himself, an* when I come in he turns 
around and goes down on his knees 
and says such an importunity may not 
occur again, mum; I've loved you very 
long; and then he recited some pottery, 
mum, and said would I be his wife. 

Yardsley (desperately). Let me ex- 
plain. 

Dorothy. Wait, Mr. Yardsley; your 
turn will come in a moment. 

Barlow. Yes, it '11 be here, my boy; 
don't fret about that. Take all the 
time you need to make it a good one. 
Gad! if this doesn't strain your imagina- 
tion, nothing will. 

Dorothy. Go on, Jennie. Then what 
happened ? 

Yardsley (with an injured expression). 
Do you expect me to stand here, Miss 

57 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Andrews, and hear this girl's horrible 
story ? 

Barlow. Then you know the story, 
do you, Yardsley? It's horrible, and 
you are innocent. My! you are a mind- 
reader with a vengeance. 

Dorothy. Don't mind what these 
gentlemen say, Jennie, but go on. 

[Yardsley sinks into the arm-chair. 
Barlow chuckles; Miss Andrews 
glances indignantly at him. 

Dorothy. Pardon me, Mr. Barlow. 
If there is any humor in the situation, 
I fail to see it. 

Barlow {seeing his error). Nor, in- 
deed, do I. I was not — ah — laughing 
from mirth. That chuckle was hys- 
terics, Miss Dorothy, I assure you. 
There are some laughs that can hardly 
be differentiated from sobs. 

Jennie. I was all took in a heap, 

58 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

mum, to think of a fine gentleman like 
Mr. Yardsley proposing to me, mum, 
and I says the same. Says I, "Oh, Mr. 
Yardsley, this is so sudden t like, ,, 
whereat he looks up with a countenance 
so full o' pain that I hadn't the heart 
to refuse him; so, fergettin' Hicks for 
the moment, 1 says, kind o' soft like, 
certingly, sir. It ain't for the likes o' 
me to say no to the likes o' him. 

Yardsley. Then you said you were 
engaged to Hicks. You know you did, 
Jennie. 

Barlow, Ah! Then you admit the 
proposal ? 

Yardsley. Oh, Lord! Worse and worse! 
I— 

Dorothy. Jennie has not finished her 
story. 

Jennie. I did say as how I was en- 
gaged to Hicks, but I thought he would 
s 59 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

let me off; and Mr.Yardsley looked glad 
when I said that, and said he'd make 
it all right with Hicks. 

Yardsley. What? I? Jennie O'Brien, 
or whatever your horrible name is, do 
you mean to say that I said I'd make it 
all right with Hicks? 

Jennie. Not in them words, Mr. 
Yardsley ; but you did say as how you'd 
see him yourself and give him a present. 
You did indeed, Mr. Yardsley, as you 
was a-standin' on that there Proossian 
rug. 

Dorothy. Did you, Mr. Yardsley ? 
[Yardsley buries his face in his 
hands and groans. 

Barlow. Not so ready with your ex- 
planations now, eh? 

Dorothy. Mr. Barlow, really I must 
ask you not to interfere Did you say 
that, Mr. Yardsley? 
60 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Yardsley. I did, but — 

Dorothy (frigidly). Go on, Jennie. 

Jennie. Just then the front-door bell 
rings and Mr. Barlow comes, and there 
wasn't no more importunity for me to 
speak; but when I got down-stairs into 
the kitchen, mum, Mr. Hicks he comes 
in, an* (sobs) — an* I breaks with him. 

Yardsley. You've broken with Hicks 
for me? 

Jennie. Yes, I have — but I wouldn't 
never have done it if I'd known — boo- 
hoo — as how you'd behave this way an* 
deny ever havin' said a word. I — I — I 
1-lo-love Mr. Hicks, an' I — I hate you — 
and I wish I'd let him come up and kill 
you, as he said he would. 

Dorothy. Jennie! Jennie! be calm! 
Where is Hicks now? 

Yardsley. That's so. Where is Hicks ? 
I want to see him. 

61 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Jennie, Never fear for that. You'll 
see him. He's layin' for you outside. 
An* that, Miss Dorothy, is why I was 
a-wavin' at him an' say in* "pst" to 
him. I wanted to warn him, mum, of 
his danger, mum, because Hicks is very 
vi'lent, and he told me in so many words 
as how he was a-goin' to do — him — up. 

Barlow. You'd better inform Mr. 
Hicks, Jennie, that Mr. Yardsley is al- 
ready done up. 

Yardsley. Do me up, eh? Well, I 
like that. I'm not afraid of any coach- 
man in creation as long as he's off the 
box. I'll go see him at once. 

Dorothy. No — no — no. Don 't, Mr. 
Yardsley; don't, I beg of you. -I don't 
want to have any scene between you. 

Yardsley (heroically). What if he 
succeeds? I don't care. As Barlow 
says, I'm done up as it is. I don't want 

62 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

to live after this. What's the use. 
Everything's lost. 

Barlow {dryly). Jennie hasn't thrown 
you over yet. 

Jennie {sniffing airily). Yes, she has, 
too. I wouldn't marry him now for all 
the world — an' — an' I've lost — lost 
Hicks. (Weeps.) Him as was so brave, 
an' looks so fine in livery! 

Yardsley. If you'd only give me a 
chance to say something — 

Barlow. Appears to me you've said 
too much already. 

Dorothy {coldly). I — I don't agree 
with Mr. Barlow. You — you haven't 
said enough, Mr. Yardsley. If you have 
any explanation to make, I'll listen. 

Yardsley {looks up gratefully. Sud- 
denly his face brightens. Aside). Gad! 
The very thing! I'll tell the exact 
truth, and if Dorothy has half the 

63 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

sense I think she has, I'll get in my pro- 
posal right under Barlow's very nose. 
(Aloud.) My — my explanation, Miss 
Andrews, is very simple. I — ah — I 
cannot deny having spoken every word 
that Jennie has charged to my account. 
I did get down on my knees on the rug. 
I did say "divine creature." I did not 
put it strong enough. I should have 
said "divinest of all creatures." 

Dorothy (in remonstrance). Mr. Yards- 
ley! 

Barlow (aside). Magnificent bluff! 
But why? (Rubs his forehead in a 
puzzled way.) What the deuce is he 
driving at? 

Yardsley. Kindly let me finish. I 
did say "I love you." I should have 
said "I adore you; I worship you. M I 
did say, "Will you be my wife?" and I 
was going to add, "for if you will not, 
64 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

then is light turned into darkness for 
fne, and life, which your 'yes' will 
render radiantly beautiful, will become 
dull, colorless, and not worth the living. " 
That is what I was going to say, Miss 
Andrews — Miss Dorothy — -when — when 
Jennie interrupted me and spoke the 
word I most wish to hear — spoke the 
word " yes " ; but it was not her yes ihat I 
wished. My words of love were not 
for her. 

Barlow (perceiving his drift). Ho! 
Absurd! Nonsense! Most unreason- 
able! You were calling the sofa the 
divinest of all creatures, I suppose, 
or perhaps asking the — the piano to 
put on its shoes and — elope with you. 
Preposterous ! 

Dorothy (softly), Go on, Mr. Yards- 
ley. 

Yardsley. I — I spoke a little while 

65 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

ago about sand — courage — when it 
comes to one's asking the woman he 
loves the greatest of all questions. I 
was boastful. I pretended that I had 
that courage; but — well, I am not as 
brave as I seem. I had come, Miss 
Dorothy, to say to you the words that 
fell on Jennie's ears, and — and I began to 
get nervous — stage-fright, I suppose it 
was — and I was foolish enough to re- 
hearse what I had to say — to you, and 
to you alone. 

Barlow. Let me speak, Miss Andrews. 
I— 

Yardsley. You haven't anything to 
do with the subject in hand, my dear 
Barlow, not a thing. 

Dorothy. Jennie — what — what have 
you to say? 

Jennie. Me? Oh, mum, I hardly 
knows what to say! This is sudden ter 
66 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

than the other; but, Miss Dorothy, I'd 
believe him, I would, because — I — I 
think he's tellin' the truth, after all, for 
the reason that — oh dear — for — 

Dorothy. Don't be frightened, Jennie. 
For what reason ? 

Jennie. Well, mum, for the reason 
that when I said "yes," mum, he didn't 
act like all the other gentlemjen I've 
said yes to, and — and k - kuk - kiss 
me. 

Yardsley. That's it! that's it! Do 
you suppose that if I'd been after 
Jennie's yes, and got it, I'd have let a 
door-bell and a sofa stand between me 
and — the sealing of the proposal? 

Barlow (aside). Oh, what nonsense 
this all is! I've got to get ahead of this 
fellow in some way. (Aloud.) Well, 
where do I come in ? I came here, Miss 
Andrews, to tell you — 

6 7 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Yardsley (interposing). You come in 
where you came in before — just a little 
late — after the proposal, as it were. 

Dorothy (her face clearing and wreath- 
ing with smiles). What a comedy of 
errors it has all been! I — I believe you, 
Mr. Yardsley. 

Yardsley. Thank Heaven! And — ah 
— you aren't going to say anything 
more, D — Dorothy? 

Dorothy. I'm afraid — 

Yardsley. Are you going to make me 
go through that proposal all over again, 
now that I've got myself into so much 
trouble saying it the first time — Doro- 
thy? 

Dorothy. No, no. You needn't— 
you needn't speak of it again. 

Barlow (aside). Good! That's his 
conge. 

Yardsley. And — then if I — if I 
68 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

needn't say it again? What then? 
Can't I have— my answer now? Oh, 
Miss Andrews — 

Dorothy {with downcast eyes, softly). 
What did Jennie say ? 

Yardsley (in ecstasy) . Do you mean it ? 

Barlow. I fancy — I fancy I'd better 
go now, Miss — er — Miss Andrews. I — 
I — have an appointment with Mr. 
Wilkins, and — er — I observe that it is 
getting rather late. 

Yardsley. Don't go yet, Jack. I'm 
not so anxious to be rid of you now. 

Barlow. I must go — really. 

Yardsley. But I want you to make 
me one promise before you go. 

Dorothy. He'll make it, I'm sure, if 
I ask him. Mr. Yardsley and I want 
you — want you to be our best man. 

Yardsley. That's it, precisely. Eh, 
Jack? 

69 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 



Barlow. Well, yes. I'll be — second- 
best man. The events of the afternoon 
have shown my capacity for that. 
Yardsley. Ah! 

Barlow. And I'll show my sincerity 

by wearing Bob's hat and coat into the 

street now and letting the 

fury of Hicks fall upon 

me. 

Jennie. If you please, 
Miss Dorothy— I— I think 
I can attend to Mr. Hicks. 
Dorothy. Very well. I 
think that would be bet- 
ter. You may go, Jennie. 
[Jennie departs. 
Barlow. Well, good- 
day. I — I've had a very 
pleasant afternoon, Miss- 
Thanks for the — the cam- 




HICKS 



Andrews, 
brie tea. 



70 



A Proposal Under Difficulties 

Dorothy. Good-bye, and don't forget. 
Barlow. I'm afraid — I won't. Good- 
bye, Bob. I congratulate you from 
my heart. I was in hopes that I should 
have the pleasure of having you for a 
best man at my wedding, but — er — 
there's many a slip, you know, and I 
wish you joy. 

[Yardsley shakes hinKby the hand, 
and Barlow goes out. As he 
disappears through the portieres 
Yardsley follows, and, holding 
the curtain aside, looks after him 
until the front - door is heard 
closing. Then he turns about. 
Dorothy looks demurely around 
at him, and as he starts to go to 
her side the curtain falls. 



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